From the moment of entry, there is no doubt that The Berkeley is a classy joint. One proceeds from reception desk to room without experiencing any of the vague feelings of unease and mild panic that usually accompany that journey. The room — actually, to be honest, it was a suite — was an oasis of calm and refinement, with nothing to assault the sensitive eyeball. Despite being a mere dice throw from the garish pleasure palaces of Knightsbridge, there are no sounds of urban stress and mayhem, just a deep calm and softly muted colours that soothe the senses.
While I waited for a welcoming vodka and tonic to arrive, there was time to check out the amenities. There would be no excuse for missing one moment’s television in these surroundings, as every room seemed to have a flat screen if one size or another. There was even one embedded in the wall at the end of the bath tub which happened to be showing an international rugby match. I reflected on how much more pleasant it would be to have a bath while watching rugby than to suffer a communal bath after playing rugby. This is the kind of thought the Berkeley inspires. And I had that bath.
Needless to say, there was a profusion of sweet smelling ointments and unguents in the bathroom and, most fetchingly, a beautiful midnight blue bathrobe to slip into afterwards, the kind of garment that goes so well with a vodka and tonic and the idle flicking of a remote control. In a moment of old-fashioned craziness, or perhaps it was nostalgia, I suddenly experienced a craving for the printed word. In the top right hand drawer of the desk was a copy of the Gideon Bible and in the top left an edition of Luxos - 'Your local guide to global luxury'. This, I felt, was as it should be.
All too soon, the lovely robe had to be swapped for some gentleman’s apparel, but there was compensation in the form of a quick visit to the Blue Bar for a pre-prandial cocktail. There is nothing overtly fancy about the Blue Bar — it is simply a room painted in the most exquisite shade of blue in which delicious cocktails are expertly dispensed. Supper followed in the Caramel Room, which is also famous for its afternoon teas, and the menu is a failsafe combination of starters such as foie gras, crab cakes and gravadlax and main courses including honeyed duck breast, sea bass and beef fillet.
Next morning it was time for some healthy living. For me a swim in the pool at the top of the building, for my wife, a swim followed by a long and luxurious massage. It is a deeply pleasant experience to know you are in the middle of Knightsbridge but at the same time to have no awareness of its proximity. It’s probably a version of what the famous film star feels when cocooned from reality by a gaggle of attendants and hangers-on. A better version.
The Berkeley, Wilton Place, London SW1X 7RL (+ 44 (0)207 235 6000; the-berkeley.co.uk). Rates for a standard double start at £299.
