There's no escaping the fact that, lovely as it is in terms of both décor and situation, the thermal spa at the Hotel Villa Padierna in Carratraca can smell a little... eggy at times. But, all things considered, it's a small price to pay for the privilege of wallowing in sulphurous spring waters once taken by the likes of Lord Byron, Empress Eugenie, Rainer María Rilke and — I have it on good account — several of Antonio Banderas's cousins.
Carratraca is a classically chic Andalucían town that lacks the Brits and glitz of the Costa del Sol down the road. Overlooking the spectacular Guadalhorce valley, it was a popular spa resort in the 19th century, and at its heart is the Villa Padierna — reborn almost a year ago as a five-star, 43-room Great Hotel of the World housing a serious hydrotherapy spa, which backs the antioxidant properties of its waters with medical data.
Moorish and Roman styles influence the five thermal pools and 21 treatment rooms, which are dispersed around a large and luscious central seating area for conversation, recuperation and the sipping of fresh juices between therapies. This mini empire, existing under the main hotel, is managed by a charming doctor with a strong Spanish accent and an even stronger maternal streak, who oversees her attentive young staff, guides you through treatments and generally fusses over your welfare. "Drink it, don't smell it," she advises as she presses yet another glass of the medicinal minerals upon you.
My 'thermal circuit' treatment begins in a steam room, followed by a flesh-pressing hydromassage bath that works something like a car wash. Next comes a powerfully accurate hosing down by a smiling young woman who might easily serve as a bombero in her time off. Finally, I blanch myself in hot and cold pools like a stick of white asparagus and emerge feeling pleasingly wholesome and pampered. Just as I've dried off, I'm directed into a lift that leads to more liquid immersion in a rooftop Jacuzzi and pool with mesmerising views of the valley below.
A lunch of locally sourced organic food in the courtyard restaurant offers an alternative three-course 'light menu' that, incredibly, weighs in at fewer than 300 calories. No wonder guests are advised to stay a week to reap the full benefits of treatment programmes that so thoroughly promote wellbeing. I felt pounds lighter already and I hadn't even missed pudding.
Thermal circuit from €45; 7-night weight loss programme from €2,150. +44 (0)20 7380 3658, ghotw.com/hotel/home/villa-padierna-thermas-de-carratraca, thermasdecarratraca.com. British Airways flies to Malaga from London Gatwick and Heathrow. Visit ba.com
