My idea of a perfect break combines sun with self-improvement. I've been passionate about tennis since I was a teenager, but over the years I've battled with minor injuries and dodgy knees. I've had lessons in four continents — but because I don't play regularly I look less like Venus Williams and more like a demented scarecrow on court. As I've got older, I've seen my life-long ambition of playing at a decent level become an impossible dream. Not many things really wind me up — but my inability to serve like the movie in my head is one of them.
The best way to improve your game is intensive coaching, which is why I loved spending a week at Curtain Bluff in Antigua playing every day, coached by sympathetic (and diplomatic) teachers without ever feeling a complete no-hoper.
Curtain Bluff is situated in a lovely part of Antigua — on the southern side of the island, framed by unspoilt hills covered in trees. The island is known for its spectacular beaches — and at Curtain Bluff the rooms all face the deserted beach at Morris Bay. The resort straddles the headland, so all you have to do after your game is walk fifty yards and you can swim and loaf around in the tranquil waters of Grace Bay.
The courts are sensational — bordered by palm trees, overlooking a spectacular beach. There are lights so you can play at night, a shop and racquets to borrow. Guests are encouraged to sign up for games with each other and twice a year there's a tournament hosted by international professionals like Fred Stolle and Kathy Rinaldi which raises money for local good causes.
In a warm climate you need a breeze and not too much humidity — so I was on the court at 7.30 before breakfast, and again in the early evening. Best of all, I could reward myself for burning off all those calories with a jolly good breakfast followed by a delicious buffet lunch in the beach restaurant. The fish was especially good — so there wasn't much reduction to the JSP waistline, sorry to say.
Each morning I'd wake up to the pink light on the waves outside my room. I'd do a spot of perfunctory stretching — or walk along the beach with the birds for company. Then, after a quick coffee, it was down to business. The three coaches all have very different approaches — Dillo said my forehand had too much 'chipping and chopping' — not as a result of spending too much time in the kitchen with Gordon Ramsay, but probably down to playing table tennis. He deconstructed my ground-strokes and within an hour there was less chopping (except for the odd lapse) and my game was much smoother. There was even some 'follow-through'!
All the coaches teach teenagers at summer camp in the USA — which makes them well suited to dealing with stroppy JSP. Nigel talked through my footwork, and slowed down my tendency to frantically flap- less big bird and more Venus Williams. Rennie, the senior coach, was the most diplomatic — after he'd put me through my paces I was dripping with sweat.
The best thing about Curtain Bluff was the relaxed atmosphere — I've been to resorts with tennis facilities where guests are more worried about what they're wearing than their game. Here, you can do your own thing — and no-one is judgemental. My friend Barbara, who plays tennis three times a week back in the UK — has returned to Curtain Bluff for eight years — you can't get a better accolade than that. The coaching would suit all levels of play, from beginner upwards.
By the end of my stay my game was revitalised and I feel optimistic about playing again — it's a shame the food was so good my spare tyre is still in position. But at least I can execute a stylish serve to distract attention from those blobby bits.
Janet Street-Porter stayed at Curtain Bluff Hotel, Antigua. Seven nights (for the price of six) at Curtain Bluff starts at £2,685 per person based on two adults sharing a deluxe room on an all-inclusive basis, including flights from London Gatwick with British Airways and private car transfers (based on a 24 July 2010 departure). Contact Elegant Resorts Reservations (+ 44(0)1244 897515; elegantresorts.co.uk) for more information.
For more information on the Annual Antigua Tennis Week (not included in the price above) visit curtainbluff.com.
