ON ASSIGNMENT BLOG

Any day that starts with the following line will always be a great day.

'That'll be four pounds, young sir.'

I'm 42.

The number of times I'm called 'young' anything is remarkably limited these days so I've learnt to grasp these ego boosts with both hands. But that is exactly what the driver of the bus said to me as I asked how much it was to take me to terminal 5 at Heathrow.

The second great quote of the day was, at 8.30 in the morning:

'Would you like Champagne or orange juice, Mr Richardson?'

Granted it wasn't 'would you like Champagne or orange juice, young sir?' but again you take what you can get and at this at this stage I felt I was doing rather well thank you very much. Certainly better than I usually am before 9.00am on a Saturday morning.

So, with my glass of Champagne in hand, I sat in the Club World section of the BA flight to Johannesburg contemplating the itinerary for the week ahead. Four rounds of golf in and around the simply staggering Legends Golf and Safari resort. A 'Big Five' morning game drive, an evening game drive and a chance to see the incredibly rare white lions were also on the agenda but lurking at the bottom of the list lay the real reason for my visit. A chance to play the world-famous 'Extreme 19th'.

This quite incredible hole is accessible only by helicopter and has become something of an internet phenomenon, with over four million people watching Padraig Harrington and Rafael Jacquelin battle it out to try and make par. With the tee set 400 metres above the green, the ball has to travel not just 400 metres down, but 400 metres horizontally to land on a green shaped exactly like Africa. It's like nothing else the world of golf has ever seen.

But here's the real story – and the driving force behind the best quote of all. If you get a hole in one on this amazing hole, there is a guaranteed million dollars. And that best quote? From my wife as I kissed her and my daughter a faintly guilty goodbye at the airport:

'Win that million please, John. If you win that million, I'll forgive you forever for the 70,000 golf balls.'

The 70,000 golf balls, of course, are the 70,000 golf balls that I hit in the frankly ludicrously self-indulgent year I took to break par on my local course in Northern Ireland. A year in which I lived, breathed and dreamt golf to the exclusion of many of those things that a good husband really should do. The year that is chronicled in my book, Dream On.

The only niggling issue is the monstrous misjudgment that my lovely wife has made about my golfing ability. One sub-par round sadly doesn't make me capable of defeating the Harringtons of this world.

But that is my challenge. Stick that infuriating little ball in the hole or arrive home with some very good excuses...

(John will be back with an update in a couple of days.)